The scientist

I've always thought of myself as having a scientific perspective on life and why it is the way it is. Gather information, test hypothesis, make conclusions. My way of dealing with crisis might come across as cold to some people. But, it's really because I want to understand the problem, consider the possibilities, attempt solutions, and be in charge or my own fate. Nothing is inevitable, just probable or improbable.

So, I have been reserving judgement on our situation until tomorrow, when the tests and expert advice show preference toward one conclusion above all others. Yet, I can't help but to have expectations. It's a dangerous beginning for a scientist, to prefer one particular outcome, because the reality is sure to not align with my desire. I expect that there will be a "wait and see, low likelihood of danger" prognosis, which of course means that I am not prepared for the other possibilities.

Several times, Mike has mentioned that he wishes he believed in some higher power right now, something to divert his fear about losing our babies and make him have faith that things happen for a reason. I think that, if I did believe in god, this might be the point at which I stop believing. I mean, what god would do something like that? What would be the reason? It wouldn't make me stronger or teach me any important lesson or give me some sublime insight into the workings of the universe. It would simply make me hate god, and I'm pretty sure that's not what the great intelligent designer would be going for.

No. It's all numbers. We just happen to be on the light side of probability at the moment.