At seven weeks adjusted (from his due date), Alex is now a healthy, happy 8 1/2 pound baby - almost four times his birth weight - and we couldn't ask for a better outcome. Sure, he cries sometimes for no apparent reason. He seems to want to eat all the time. He pukes occasionally. He goes for days on 6-7 hours of sleep (total, broken into short naps) and I can't get even the most basic of chores accomplished. But, this is life with a baby. I can't say that I am surprised.
He is smiling now, which, for those of you unfamiliar with this magical milestone, makes all the drudgery so very worth it. I think he actually might be laughing sometimes. He likes books and watching me type on the computer. He also seems to really like Jazz. We are encouraged, having feared that our genes would conspire against us to create a tone-deaf jock. I suppose there is opportunity yet for him to find the wrong calling.
I know that most men cringe at the mention of breast feeding, preferring to maintain their version of breasts as objects of desire and not infant buffets. But, given all that I have gone through to breast feed my preemie, I feel that it necessary to discuss some of the things that I have discovered in the hopes that it will encourage other parents of preemies to trooper through, because it can be done.
First, despite the mantra repeated over and over at the NICU about how supportive they were about breast feeding, I felt very much on my own when it came to realizing this unlikely goal. As mentioned in earlier posts, the lactation consultants were militant and uncompromising, and ultimately unhelpful. The nursing staff was focused entirely on getting the baby out of the hospital, no matter by what means (i.e. putting Alex on formula and giving me "you're nuts" eyes when I insisted that I was indeed going to breast feed him at some point). Let's face it, a baby who has been bottle fed for two months is not going to take easily to a more difficult means of eating.
But, something happened with Alex and I, something that was greatly underestimated by both the lactation and the nursing staff. I believe that Alex might not have been developmentally ready to breast feed until a couple weeks after his due date. I know that that is counter to what every expert out there will say. They will say that babies can do it as early as five weeks before their due date. Well, they can eat by mouth at that point yes. But, after having totally given up and resigned to my fate with the pump and the bottle, one day, about three weeks after his due date, Alex just figured it out on his own. And from that point on, he needed to breast feed, often refusing a bottle altogether.
That breast feeding is soothing to a baby might seem obvious, but the focus had been, up until Alex decided he preferred mom to a plastic bottle, entirely on weight gain. The bonding thing, well that would be nice, but... My experience with my preemie is that it has been absolutely essential. I believe that it has made Alex more secure, less fussy, and better able to relax on his own. It certainly has allowed me to relax, and to feel a part of the greater mothering world. There is so little help out there for mothers of such early preemies, it is impossible not to feel further isolated by the plethora of literature or advice written with only full-termers in mind.
There are a few things you can expect if you are attempting this difficult feat. One, a lot of babies need to be taught how to breast feed, not just preemies. So, some of the message boards can lend helpful advice, even if they are talking about their full-termers. Two, the baby ultimately has to figure it out on their own. I worked once a day for a couple of weeks trying to get Alex to figure it out. In the end, he just did it without any tricks or equipment. Three, even when the baby starts to breast feed, it's going to take a couple of weeks for them to get good at it. I still throw a bottle in once a day to top him off when he seems like he isn't finishing up on me. Four, babe will be on a much shorter feeding schedule. In my case, we went from three hours on the bottle to one and half to two hours on the boob. It's a pain in the ass at two, four, and six in the morning. But, it is temporary. Better yet, it soothes him to sleep and makes it easier to put him back down in his bassinet.
I can say that, after four months of working toward getting my 26 weeker to breast feed, it has been excruciatingly difficult, but well worth it.
